Title:  Delirium

Author:   Eleanda
Category:   Angst
Keywords:  losing, love, letting go

Views: ( 642 )

I don’t know why it happened
Or how it came to be
I can’t explain it clearly
Fore it confuses me
I wish I could explain it
And tell you how it feels
So you would know the feelings
I have inside are real
I’ll start with the confusion
I felt when it first hit
I felt like I was crazy
I wanted none of this
I felt like I was hanging
Strug’ling to keep my grip
Trying to keep from falling
Into an endless pit
I thought that without reason
Could not tell what was wrong
Knew that I could not let go
That I had to be strong
These feelings simply threw me
I did not know what changed
Just knew my day was brighter
And somehow not the same
That’s when it became clearer
That’s when I realized
Just what was really hap’ning
All I could do was cry
It seems no matter how strong
I thought I could remain
I could not hold my heart back
I could not make it stay
This feeling makes me angry
I did not want to fall
But then I feel so happy
I don’t want this at all
He doesn’t feel the same way
There’s no way that he could
He’s funny, nice, and handsome
I could do him no good
He’s infinitely busy
He’s got his future planned
I’d just be a distraction
And this I understand
I know he’s going somewhere
I dread the day he leaves
I feel it coming swiftly
The end is near for me
A year til my heart’s broken
A year til he is gone
A year til tears will drown me
And then I must move on
A year til all is darkened
A year til I restart
I’ll have to pick myself up
And try to fix my heart
I cannot keep in contact
My heart would never heal
Graduation is the day
My goodbye is for real
And all this complex planning
Goes on from day to day
I see him and I’m happy
Wish I could stay away
One day he will go forward
And that will be the end
That thought leaves my heart wrenching
We won’t even be friends
It’s hard to say I like him
Because that’s not enough
It’s so much more than that but
I can’t say I’m in love
Love would make it more real
Embed him in my heart
If I don’t say I love him
It might not be so hard
So hard to fin’ly let go
So hard to just give up
Then I can keep pretending
I’ve never been in love
Fore none of this will matter
Because we’ll never be
We are friends til school’s over
Then I’ll have memories
That’s all that I can cherish
That’s all that I can claim
Because the day will never come
When he will feel the same
Because he’s got a future
Because he’s made a plan
I hope that nothing stops him
From being all he can
And even when I’m breaking
I know I’ll feel the same
That he deserves much better
Than I could ever claim
I bet you still can’t fathom
The way I really feel
I can’t explain it calmly
Just how I know it’s real
I cannot say I love him
I cannot say I don’t
But I don’t think it matters
‘Cause in the end it won’t

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