Title:  Assault on the Hound

Author:   ilerlily
Category:   Whimsy
Keywords:  dogs, parrots, goat, trailer

Views: ( 706 )

There was an old couple that lived in a trailer
With multiple fences out to the mailer
For puppies and kittens and cats and for dogs
For goats and for turkeys, for chickens and hogs.

There were pens for the peacocks and cages of parrots
As well as the smaller one just for the ferrets,
There was even a pond for goldfish and frogs,
And a yard in particular for a man-eating dog--

There was food bills and vet bills and the cost of the collars,
And it all added up to a bundle of dollars--
There was acres of dishes and mountains of bowls
In every spot that was not devastated by holesC

Then, one night , mid a storm of confusion
All the critters (it's claimed, all acting in unison),
Awakened at midnight and raised such a howl
They frightened the coyotes on their nightly prowl,

The old couple was resting and watching t.v.
And shocked into action by the rising melee--
The goats had got in with the man-eating dog,
The parrots were eating the fish and the frogs--

The cats were attacking the pen-full of pheasants,
(The scene was amazing and none of it pleasant),
The couple had planned to go on to bed
Til they realized that none of the critters were fed--

So, he in his boxers, and she in her gown
With a speed and dexterity, (really profound)
Rushed out to the darkness, into the maelstrom
With buckets of pellets, and barrels of corn.

The parrots, quite famished from all of the slaughter
Descended like buzzards onto the fodder--
The goats were a-bleating, the hogs were a-squealing,
The noise was enough to send the head reeling--

But with all of the pellets, and all of the corn
Order restored with return to the norm--
But one pen remained empty, and not to be found
Was the vicious and monstrous man-eating- houndC

So they searched all the pens and the animal houses
Til the old man retreated to put on his trousers--
There in the bedroom, with ears just a quivering,
Shaking and whining and his fur just a-shivering

Docile, and frightened and crouched on his belly
Lay the huge hound like a bowl full of jelly--
His fur was quite wet and reeked a rank fragrance--
It seems he was the victim of an amorous advance--

(For we know that a billy-goat always is randy
And will attempt propagation with what-ever is handy--)
So now the poor dog is rendered unstable
And resides in the house neath the dining room table--

And when the goats bleat, he lets out a whine
(And since they are noisy) that's most of the time--
And each evening, a five o'clock, like an alarm,
He'll grab the old couple each by the arm,

He'll drag them both, sometimes under protest,
(Like they were felons resisting arrest--)
But he will not be stopped and is not satisfied
Till both of them grab the buckets and bags

And depart for the pens and enter the cages
Where , like a tempest, the appetites ragesC
For this is the outcome of all that wild night
When the poor beast was given a fright:

He's just a big puppy, once a man-eating dogs,
Now frightened by rabbits, and upset by the hogs.
And there, in his pen, and seeming to gloat
Is the evil and terrible Great-Randy Goat.

Let this be a warning, if you keep critters,
They arise with a fury that can give you the shivers:
They care not if you're tired or sick with the flu--
And they care not a whit what they do to you--

They just care for their food and care for their water,
They care not a bit for peace or for order:
When you take in a critter, he makes you a slave
To his every desire for all of his days:

He=ll plague you for care and beg for attention,
And while I am preaching, I might as well mention,
You'll end like the old man, and likewise his wife:
>Til the critter take over and HE rules your life!


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