Title:  Commencement

Author:   dany
Category:   Children
Keywords:  special needs autism kids life

Views: ( 609 )

She never really understood people

I remember when she would ask me

After her emotions were all screwed up and she was upset

With a frown

She would say

Can I be happy now?

And I would say yes

And she would be glad and say whew thanks

And she was happy now

We had a two bedroom house

No room for a third kid

But we made room

irish walls are flexible

I got a stencil and painted yellow duckies on the wall

I wrote a poem

Welcoming her into the world

Never has a person been so welcome I wrote

A crib broken in by her brother and sister

Would suffice

We made love in our hearts for one more baby

Never knowing it was going to break us in half

Love is blind that way

She came and she was beautiful

She made our world like the first two had

We loved her ,,,,our Franny

But she could not love us back….

The doctor said the words

My wife held me close that day

She wanted me to be strong and

She wanted me to break down and cry with her too

No walking like normal kids

No talking like normal kids

No smiles

No acknowledgments

Sad looks from smart parents who knew

And understood.

She began school at three years old

The basics

The very basics

Like surviving the day, alive

No words, toilets, laughs, jokes, smiles, frowns

But kicking

And screaming

And impulses and scratches

And locks on bedroom doors and then drugs

And then exhaustion and a simple creed

If franny is happy I am happy

No college

No marriage

No grandkids

Hopefully no rapes

No savagery

No stupidity…just helplessness

And one way love.

At 1.5 years she walked

At 5 she talked

At 7 she said she loved me

At 8 her mother left me

To a life of daddy weekends of kicking and screaming

No sleep no quiet no peace

Just keep her alive

Keep her alive

When she overdosed and almost died I was holding her

When she screamed in the night

And would not sleep

I was holding her

When she got out of the house and was in the middle of the street

In front of the pickup truck that almost killed her

I was holding her in the ditch

By the road

When I dived and pulled her out of the way

And I just held her breathing

The two of us

Keeping alive

Alive

She taught me so much

Patience

Love

Unconditional love

She taught me to

Sit still and to be happy

For the simple things

Like cheesy noodles and

Sponge bob square pants

She taught me

That life is about loving

Unconditionally

Life is about surviving

Not complaining

1000 knock knock jokes

500 massages to help her sleep

5000 big scary good night stories

Starting out once upon a time

A long long time ago

There lived this tiny little princess

Franny

In a land called fart-a lot

She still laughs at that

And so on Thursday

She graduates

From high school

Cap and gown

Standing in line

Alive

Aware

Content

She will be happy

I will be happy

Maybe I will ask her

Franny……

Can I be happy now?



Djb



Comments on "Commencement"
Posted by RianPitan on November 07, 2012
A wonderful heartfelt poem, Dany! You can be happy now. It's up to Franny from here on out and I image she has learned a great deal from you, even if she doesn't say so.

Posted by A Girl Unknown on November 06, 2012
Wonderful wonderful poem. Dany, if you can, please be happy.